still figuring it out

Let me tell you why I am the worst person ever.

I don't tell people anything when things go wrong because I THINK I can solve it on my own - and what's the point of saying it, and making things unhappy and awkward between you and them, right? You're forced to face the problem and then attempt to amicably work out a solution that could perhaps remove this one heckuva load on your chest, and place it on the oblivious, unsuspecting person involved.

But let me tell you, the force is good. Because by not talking about it and pretending that 'everything is fine' is not fine at all. You think it's just you, overthinking and over-feeling every god dammed emotion because you've technically never felt this way before. No, it isn't. You try to analyze the situation but you end up overanalyzing yourself and it drives you insane because you realize you're not a good person after all. It WILL snowball and you WILL unknowingly keep taking points off this person. And then one day,

you'll crash and burn. You'll burn so bad that all the iodine solutions and burn creams in the world will never ever be able to heal you ever again. You can't even get to the scarring stage of recovery because you'll just keep burning. Those burn pains will fucking remind you about that very specific moment you let your fucking walls down.

Some walls are absolutely unnecessary. But some walls are required to keep your silver of a sanity in place.