still figuring it out: Most Ardently.

THIS, is the story behind my email address. Because I fell in love with this character so hard, to the extent that I decided to name myself after him - somesort of a one-sided forced marriage, just that he doesn't know, or rather, doesn't exist.

Mindlessness aside, the reason why Pride and Prejudice remains one of my most loved classic novels of all time (besides the fact that I had to study it for 3 years..) is mainly because of this wayang relationship between Darcy and Elizabeth. By the 3rd time I read the book, and every single time I come across their dialogues, I feel like screaming in their face 'JUST SAY IT YOU SINGLETON,' of course, it didn't happen for that would have been a little imprudent of yours truly, and even more so if this sudden explosion happened in the library.

And this scene, when Darcy FINALLY said it, I melted - like an ice cream potong on a hot sunny weather. I literally did. I could feel my innards sinking down, becoming this hot mess at the bottom of my stomach and this 'awwww' feeling overwhelmed me and all I wanted to do was just cuddle and die.

But then again, it's also these type of movies that create this entire hopeless romantic ideals within one's head - ideals that are probably quite unattainable by anybody, just yet. I have to admit that the best scenes in my life, always occur in my head. In my mind, I can be the best cinematographer, collating all of the images and short clips I've seen in my entire phase of 22 years, and combining them into this short film - which I can confidently say, is the best scene of my life, at that point of time. I can think of the most perfect, epic scenes to happen at a specific time, and I'll just laugh it off at the end of it, simply because it'll never happen. You know what is this like? It's like the entire notion of Forever, where it is widely used and believed, but never ever gonna come true. But hey, forever indeed doesn't exist in reality. They exist in books and theories and in my mind.

Referencing the above gif, have you ever met such a person who confessed in such a way? Sure, if this movie encouraged you to be open and upfront with your feelings, and you're totally gonna follow word for word when you confess. It's totally cool, and really quite impressive I'd say. But this entire novel consists mainly of what Austen was thinking about, and hoping for, isn't it? Just like how some girls expect guys to ask them out, go on rich, expensive dinners and drive a posh convertible, and all the what have you's. Austen just wants a guy that will be upfront with her, and eventually get married to someone that loves her just as much as she does - not because of either one's wealth, or family reputation. If such an issue on wealth and physical attributes mattered since the Victorian era, when will people stop being so superficial?

On an entirely different note, I met up my twin after a long separation and the first thing she said to me was "when I see you, I feel like I'm not alone. Because we both don't look or behave like 22," and till date, I still don't know if it's a good or bad thing. I'll take the former because I love her so. We went to the Peranakan Museum on a good saturday and as usual, became a tad crazy.